Reclaiming My Power: Healing Does Not Mean Giving Anyone Access to Me

Julie Jewels Smoot

Oct 13

5 min read

A woman stands triumphantly against a vibrant sunset, symbolizing empowerment and healing, with the words "Reclaiming My Power" and a reminder that healing doesn't mean giving away one's personal boundaries.

There comes a point in the healing journey when something begins to change.

Not necessarily in a dramatic way.

Sometimes there is no breakthrough, no extraordinary moment of clarity, and no sudden feeling that everything has finally been resolved.

Sometimes the change is quieter.

I begin recognizing what I no longer want in my life.

I begin listening to the sensations in my body when something doesn't feel right.

I begin understanding that I can walk away without explaining myself.

And perhaps most importantly, I begin recognizing that my power never belonged to the people who harmed me.

My power belongs to me.

Healing Does Not Require Reconciliation

For years, I have explored healing through psychotherapy, EMDR, Reiki, craniosacral work, massage, meditation, movement, breathwork, and sound.

Each experience has offered opportunities to understand myself differently.

But one thing I have learned is that healing does not require me to reconnect with people who hurt me.

It does not require forgiveness.

It does not require reopening relationships.

It does not require me to return to communities where I no longer feel respected or welcome.

I can acknowledge that something was once important to me while recognizing that it no longer belongs in my life.

I can appreciate what I learned without maintaining relationships with the people involved.

And I can make those decisions without turning them into another healing assignment.

Nothing is required of me.

My Body Is Not Available for Other People's Expectations

Living with the effects of trauma has taught me how deeply experiences can affect the relationship I have with my body.

Sometimes my body wants movement.

Sometimes it wants rest.

Sometimes it wants the resonance of a gong or the gentle vibrations of Tibetan singing bowls.

Sometimes it wants quiet.

And sometimes my body tells me that something is uncomfortable long before I can explain why.

I am learning to respect those signals.

Not every sensation needs to be analyzed.

Not every emotion needs to be released.

Not every uncomfortable moment requires me to push through.

My body does not exist to satisfy someone else's expectations of how healing should look.

I am allowed to listen.

I am allowed to choose.

I am allowed to say no.

Reclaiming My Relationship With My Emotions

One of the reasons I created Feeling Is Mine: A Sacral Chakra Journey is because reclaiming my relationship with my emotions is deeply personal.

After experiencing sexual violence, I have spent years exploring what it means to live in my body on my own terms.

The two men who raped me at the University of Cincinnati do not get to define my identity, my creativity, my sexuality, or my future.

What happened is part of my history.

It is not the entirety of who I am.

I do not need to pretend that the trauma never happened.

I do not need to manufacture a beautiful meaning from violence.

And I do not need to demonstrate that I am completely healed.

I can acknowledge the harm while continuing to reclaim my choices.

My emotions are mine.

My voice is mine.

My creativity is mine.

My body is mine.

My power is mine.

Listening First: Sound Without Demands

As a Sound Alchemist, I approach my work through a simple philosophy:

Listening First. Nothing Is Required.

When I create music with gongs, Tibetan singing bowls, hand pan, and other instruments, I am not trying to force someone into a particular emotional experience.

I am creating an opportunity to listen.

Someone might feel peaceful.

Someone might experience sadness.

Someone might notice tension.

Someone might simply enjoy the sounds.

And someone might decide that listening is not what they need that day.

All of those responses are welcome.

Sound does not have to produce a breakthrough to have meaning.

A listening session does not need to become another obligation.

My recordings offer space for reflection and personal exploration. They are not a substitute for psychotherapy or medical treatment, and no particular response is expected.

Boundaries Are Part of My Healing

There was a time when I felt compelled to explain myself.

Why I needed distance.

Why I wasn't attending something.

Why I didn't want to continue a relationship.

Why I had changed my mind.

Today, I recognize that my boundaries do not need universal approval.

I can decide that a relationship has ended.

I can remove affiliations that no longer represent who I am.

I can decline an invitation.

I can choose not to respond.

And I can do those things without becoming cruel or abandoning my values.

A boundary is not necessarily a punishment.

Sometimes it is simply a recognition that I no longer want to participate.

Returning to Myself Is an Ongoing Practice

I don't believe that healing has to follow a straight line.

There are days when I feel strong and grounded.

There are days when old experiences still affect me.

There are days when I want to create music, write poetry, or move my body.

There are days when walking my dogs, making my tea, and spending time in quiet are enough.

I no longer want to measure my progress by how much I accomplish or how much discomfort I can tolerate.

Instead, I am becoming more interested in how I relate to myself.

Am I listening?

Am I honoring my boundaries?

Am I giving myself permission to rest?

Am I allowing my emotions to exist without judgment?

These questions invite curiosity rather than demand answers.

My Power Was Never Theirs to Keep

Reclaiming my power does not mean that I will never feel pain again.

It does not mean that memories will disappear.

It does not mean that every relationship will be repaired or that every question will be answered.

For me, reclaiming my power means recognizing that I have choices today.

I decide who has access to me.

I decide how I express myself.

I decide what I create.

I decide when I rest.

I decide what healing means in my own life.

I am not required to become someone else's version of a healed woman.

I am allowed to become more fully myself.

And I am allowed to do that at my own pace.